Nagaraya

http://www.mediafire.com/?yyycnhqyznn

Age AIn't Nothing But A Number

Before anything else, I'd like to thank everyone who sent out their warm greetings and/or visited me last Saturday. Thanks for taking out the time to remember! :)

My birthday was last Saturday. Unlike the previous ones, I wasn't as excited or looked forward to it at all. Sure, I'm grateful that I've been blessed to live through another year but I didn't feel the same anticipation as I used to. As a kid, a grand birthday party would give me immense happiness (A delectable cake and gifts always do the trick, hehehe!). It didn't do the same this year (Well, I didn't get myself ANYTHING fancy this year due to my unemployment!). It even came to a point when I couldn't care less if people close to me forget the occasion when I used to condemn it as a malfeasance of friendship.

Maybe I'm beginning to understand why some people dread the coming of their own birthdays. Suddenly, you find yourself in an introspective mood, pondering on what achievements you've accomplished in the past year (if any) or figuring out how to realize your goals (if any).

As part of a self-motivation strategy, I've outlined things I should have fulfilled before I reach thirty (Damn, only got four years to go!). To make the list readable, I have excluded ideas that are so far-fetched (e.g. having a smart, understanding, drop-dead gorgeous, filthy rich man as my husband; winning an Oscar or a Grammy; acquiring wealth so limitless that my third-generation descendants (if any) wouldn't have to work a single day of their lives; or meeting Barbra Streisand in person). It's so easy to dream up fantasies you've wanted to come true, however, I have to keep it real and make them feasible.

Without further ado, here are the following:

1. Finish college. If I were to name a huge regret in my life, that would be not having graduated from college. I have my reasons for not having done so; still I have this nagging feeling that it would be a lot better had I dealt with it before. Right now, I'd have the call center industry to thank for keeping me alive with a respectable and good-paying job, but for how long? I couldn't imagine answering customer-related queries or pacifying irate callers as a lifetime career. (I challenge anyone to name five people they know who have stayed in one call center for five years or more. You can't? Enough said.)

2. Do bungee jumping. As of late, I think I have an adventurous side waiting to be actualized. I've never been a fan of dangerous sports because I think there's too much at risk. Nevertheless, I've always wanted to know the feeling of how it is to fly. Since modern science hasn’t arrived at anything to make flying for humans without contraptions a reality, I guess bungee jumping would be the next best thing. (Besides, skydiving would be OUTRAGEOUSLY expensive!)

3. Settle all I.O.U.s. I am not known to be a financial whiz. The word savings seems to be non-existent in my vocabulary. Major weakness: audio CDs. Just like smoking and caffeine, purchasing CDs is an addiction I couldn't shake off. It has become an overwhelming need instead of a self-indulging luxury; I can't seem to have enough.

4. Write a script for films. Way back in my elementary days, I’ve dreamed of writing a book. I don’t know, it just felt right; I felt like I had to share a lot of things with the world. Well, all the writing I’ve ever practiced was either for my personal journal or school-related matters. Since I’ve broadened my hobbies to watching films, it has inspired me to write a good script for the movies after watching more than a handful of them disappointed me. (Gudlak!)

5. Learn a foreign language. I’ve read somewhere in Jessica Zafra’s latest book that learning a foreign language can be good exercise for the brain. I’ve only taken six units of basic Spanish but obviously they aren’t enough. Aside from probably cursing a person you wouldn’t want to obviously offend, maybe my lifetime partner is some Hispanic hunk and I could put it to very good use (¡Hay, mi amor! Si, Señor Jose Fernando!)

I’ve ran out of ideas, I’ll continue this some other time…

Out On A Limb

I'll keep it short and sweet. To those who know of anyone who's into the New Age Movement or know of anyone who's into it, please let me know. I really need to talk to someone about it ASAP. Soon as I resolve my thoughts on the metaphysical stuff among others, usual entries shall resume :)

Welcome To The Jungle

(This was written after on the second week of June, just found the time to post it.)

I am deeply sorry to have kept my five faithful readers painstakingly wait for my next entry to be published. There have been days when I seem to be filled with so much inspiration to write about almost anything...yet too lazy to actually write them. Not to mention the fact that I follow a daily routine which others may hardly even call it a life, so I'd have to file all kinds of ideas in the backburner until I find the time to write about them.

This past weekend, I decided to join my friends in going to this gay club I haven't been to. Well, I've been to clubs and strip joints before but I seem not to have much fun as I intended to for various reasons (not enough funds, the place is TOO boring I couldn't even feign enjoyment, etc.) for the longest time, they have been asking me to go with them there, saying "You're not that old to act as if you live in a nursing home!" ( I am 25 years old, thank you very much, yet inside I feel a lot older. Not wiser or more mature than my peers, just older.) Since the joint they were referring to was celebrating its second anniversary, and Tyra (my fashionably fabulous friend/housemate) was on the guest list, availing herself and two guests free entrance and drinks, I figured it wasn't such a bad idea to revisit my "wild child" days, even for just a night. (Yeah, right. Had to miss work that night and was praying that it was worth the trouble.) Too bad, my friend Morfino couldn't come with us (He decided to be an all-star athlete earlier that day in their company sportsfest. Unfortunately, he brought home wounds and scratches instead of medals). Since Banshee (my housemate who is so loud-mouthed, he could melt your earwax once he opens his mouth) was meeting a friend there, he came along with us.

So on we went to Malate. Nothing much has changed since the last time I was there. Same old establishments (except for some who had name changes; probably to fool people into thinking it wasn't the same trashy place they used to go to), same old people (predominantly gay, a few heterosexuals, bisexuals, transsexuals, metrosexuals...in short, all kinds of sexual people, ha ha!)

As we neared the place, I had apprehensions of seeing people I no longer wanted to meet (i.e. people I used to do hanky-panky with, people whom I thought I had a chance to have a relationship with yet got viciously cut short for some reason, or people I simply disliked). Fate seemd to be very playful that night because the first person I met was a common "friend" who eventually had his ego overblown by the number of guys he had sex with (Sure, I've had my share of sexcapades and have never been competitive about it. But for him to say to comment once on my sex life, "It's the quality, not the quantity"? Que ganda!) I hate being caught in such situations; I wanted him to disappear. The better side of me made me give a very faint smile and a nod of acknowledgment; I was rewarded with a beso. I am not letting this incident spoil my night.

Then we proceeded to enter the joint, open bar, beads hanging from the ceiling, Queer as Folk playing on the television monitors, great disco light and dance music, and a few good-looking people, too. They also had topless waiteers and go-go boys who either probably lived in the gym or used to do hard labor as a profession prior to their latest job. wish they looked as good as their sumptuous bodies but guess we can't have everything, can we? Nonetheless, I was impressed.

Since Tyra and Banshee had friends in the place, I was left by my lonesome for some time. I wasn't complaining though, it gave me the chance to check the other people out. Not that I was planning to get me some that night, it just made me think: Why were these people here? Were they here to have fun with friends, have a few drinks, meet a few guys and dance the night away? Or, were they here to be part of a modern-day jungle acting as sexual predators and preys? The scene before could have put the sexually liberated, ancient Greeks to shame. Almost everybody was showing off their toned bodies through body-hugging shirts (and took off soon as the place got so packed that the dance floor looked like an overcrowded fishbowl). Lingering looks, gyrating bodies, drinks overflowing, strangers kissing, hands groping somebody else's crotch -- the perfect debauchery. I wouldn't be the least shocked if Bacchus was the night's guest of honor.

I guess the reason why I'm asking thes is because I really didn't explore this world, when I was younger which would make me appear naive. Whenever I went to a nightout, it was always with mostly heterosexual people. It was only a few years ago that I started hangign out with gay friends and I got to witness the gay nightlife and consequently embracing a different type of lifestyle. Then I got initiated to the sexual cyberworld -- hooking up online with guys I barely knew where everybody was imbued with the power of anonymity -- you could introduce yourself as a totally different person in order to attract someone and obtain sexual favors. I was at this for years, thinking I was already a pro in casual sex. Was I so wrong.


I had a couple of drinks and was dancing in my space until the place turned into a sea of humanity; I felt like a fish desperately gasping for air. Tyra must have felt the same because when she told me that she felt like going home, I immediately agreed and proceeded to find the exit. Perhaps it was from the glasses of vodka that made me tipsy, which made me realize that this was no longer my scene. No, I did not go home with a bruised ego because nobody hit on me; maybe I just do not have the energy for the nightlife anymore. As for sex, my appetite towards it has definitely declined. I'm no longer the sexual dynamo I used to be.


To finally cap my evening, something happened. On the way out, Tyra and I got separated. Thinking she was out ahead of me, I looked around as soon as I stepped out to see if she was waiting for me. Then somebody called me...it was Soulmate #9, a guy I went out with a couple of times until he found a boyfriend for himself. I was so caught off-guard that when i tried to make small talk to fill in the awkward gaps of silence, I told him, "It's my first time here, I'm too old for this." So stupid, how bowled over could I get?

The White Party ( a street party celebrating Gay Pride) is scheduled in a few weeks. I'm not quite sure if I want to join the safari or if the time has arrived for the leader of the pack to finally strike it on his own.

P.S. I did go to the White Party, BAH!

A Million Thanks To You

Ok, ok. I am trying my best to write this without the drama (creating something without my VERY essence? how is that ever possible? HAHA!) alright, let me get down to it...

Days ago, I had a seizure (yup, you read it right). No, it's not the same thing you have probably read from the Katrina comic strip from a national newspaper. Still, it's as messy and shocking; had the fever so high that makes you sweat as if you came out from spending a day in the sauna. Of course, am sparing a few faithful readers (as of last count there were comments from three friends, so there) with the embarassing details. Believe me, you wouldn't want to know about it.

Anyway, I was rushed to the emergency room and was bombarded with all kinds of questions. Looking back, I could have barfed at all of them ( EXPLETIVE! Nakita nyo na ngang ganito ang hitsura ko, kung anu-ano pang itinatanong nyo sakin, BERNA!!!) Being the understanding person that I am (hahaha!) and knowing that doctors are no mind-readers, I proceeded to recount what happened to me, what foods and medicine I am allergic to, what I ate, when I had the fever, etc.) What just pissed me off is that it seems EVERYBODY in the hospital seemed to want to know what happened to me: nurses, interns, doctors...for all I know there was somebody in the hospital masquerading as an intern and gave me something and that was the end of me...nah, too much imagination. It's as if it was a no-no for somebody to relay information to one another; everything had to be first-hand. I later consulted with friends who were medical school students and found out that this had to be done as there could be a different diagnosis from the one previusly reported. Oh well, who am I in a position to argue? I'm just the one possessing this so-called life...

Anyway, everything went well. I would have to wait for the other test results to come in but so far everything's fine, thank God! Am really hoping it never happens to me again, it's too much.

Well, to end this, I just really want to thank everybody who helped me through this experience. I know I didn't inform everybody about my condition ( I'm not the type of person who goes around saying "Hey, I'm sick. Come visit me, please!" Not to mention, I'm sick so could I really think of holding a press conference about it? I know, you're concerned and thank you). Thanks to my beloved Sorceress teammates for sparing some time to visit li' ol' me. I know how everyone is when the clock strikes 7:45 am on Saturdays but, really, thanks!

To my college friends, thanks for the visits, checking on me through text or coordinating with my housemates as to how I was feeling. It helps a lot :)

Last but not the least, my housemates: Man, I wouldn't know what to do without you, guys. Without exaggerating, I may be dead by now if not for you (Ooh, how my detractors would love that!) I know that it wasn't all too painstaking to stay with me in the hospital because of the airconditioned room and cable TV (now admit it, everybody enjoyed it, right?) but I know the sacrifices you had to make, of which am very grateful. So I'd really like to say thanks to you, I really appreciate it. Hope I could repay you with cash (now wouldn't everybody love that? hahaha!) but I'll think of something :p

Best actress award: my roomie! Daghang salamat, day! Wish was wide-awake as I seemed to be when you were trying to bring me back to consciousness. Maybe the angels brought me back so I couldn't miss it, hahaha!

To everyone, the best of health and I love you, guys!

(Yup, that's proof I'm normal: Mushy na naman ako. Didn't know old people had mood swings like this. Bah!)

Haaaaayyyyy....

Welcome to DeLaSoul1979's Blog!

Yeah, I'm feigning excitement over this one. I mean, I'm here in the internet cafe when I really don't have to be. It's the damn summer heat! (Lahat na yata ng mantika ko sa katawan ko ay na-secrete ko na!) I didn't get my much-needed and well-deserved eight-hour sleep because seemingly the heat needs a lot of attention from us; it doesn't want humans to just peacefully sleep while it wants its presence felt (Gusto niyang napag-uusapan siya maya-maya: "Ang init!" After thirty seconds has passed, "Ang init, noh?") Guess I'll have to focus my attention towards other more enjoyable matters, if any.

***

Guess what? Today's my regularization day from work! I know, I know. Some of you may be thinking that at my age I should have experienced this a long time ago and should have been a somebody in wherever I would be working at. Guess was too lazy to go about it the first time I worked. Yup, too lazy that it took me five call centers to realize that I had to stay somewhere long enough to make my resume look good if and when I have to look for another job. I must say, though, my current employer lives up to its name by being the best. Six months flew by without even my realizing that I haven't said a bad thing about the company (sure, nothing's perfect but after call-center hopping for so long, it's the most pleasurable stay I've ever had).

***

Hey, if anybody who reads this and resides within Metro Manila, could you tell me where the pirates from Greenhills have relocated? Thanks!